


They Tried To Save Us (But We're Too Far Gone)

by DreamWeaver14



Series: Oblivion Seemed Easier [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Assisted Suicide, Cal and Mikey cant do it anymore, Cal and Mikey want to be with Ash and Luke again, Character Death, Heartbreak, M/M, Sad, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Notes, Technically part two of Peroxide but you dont need to reed the first part to get this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-05 07:06:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1809661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamWeaver14/pseuds/DreamWeaver14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's just not fair, having to bury two of your best friends.  But people expect you to do it and just keep living like they were never a part of your life.  </p><p>Sometimes it is easier to fall into oblivion than struggle to keep your head above water.</p><p>Also the one where Michael And Calum wait until the night before shit hits the fan to find their only little piece of happiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They Tried To Save Us (But We're Too Far Gone)

Everyone has different coping mechanisms, and the devices that Calum and Michael had employed to deal with burying two of their best friends, their brothers really were just as self-destructive as the habits that had taken the two blonde boys from them in the first place. Between the copious amounts of alcohol the two boys shared and tears they had shed in each others company, the two had grown close. It was almost routine for Calum to crawl into Mikey’s bed in the wee hours of the morning, silent tears trailing down his tan cheeks as he snuggled into the crazy-haired boys side. Just as it was routine for Michael to pull the kiwi boy in close, cradling him in his arms as they faced the truth of their current situation. They were both crumbling and sometimes even for them, death seem to be quite a tempting escape from the horror of it all. But they were stronger than that, at least at that time the were. But it seemed that with every day the temptation grew, the need for some kind of permanent relief caused an ache in their hearts that just wouldn’t subside. They were destroyed, crushed beyond belief, yet still they pushed on, trying their hardest not to crack and fall into the same fate that Luke and Ashton had been victims of.

Despite having long been aware of the fact that the world was anything but kind and fair, Michael and Calum couldn’t help but feel like they in particular had been dealt an extra shitty hand when it came to life. They had worked so long and so hard just to wind up in the media spotlight not for their hard work but rather for their horrific misfortune. They were bombarded with questions about Luke and Ashton everywhere they went, and honestly the deaths of their best friends was not a topic that they really cared to relive over and over. So eventually they just stopped leaving the house, their twitter feeds went unviewed, and their hearts remained bogged down with the crippling weight of their emotions. It seemed so bitterly obvious that they two were nearing their own breaking points, teetering on the edge of oblivion with tidal waves of remorse threatening to send them soaring over the edge.

 

“It would be so easy, you know?” Michael had murmured softly, lips brushing across the tan skin of Calums bare shoulder, one night as they lay tangled together yet again in Michael's bed.

“What d’ya mean?” Calum has replied, turning his head to look into Michaels green eyes, eyes which still shined brighter than the neon green of his wild hair.

“Like just ending it all. It would be so easy that it almost hurts to think about it because the more I sit and wonder, the more I want it.” Michael whispered, tears trailing down his pale cheeks as he avoided Calums gaze. “It’s just, I want everything to stop hurting so damn much. I want to be able to leave the house without instantly being thrown back into that night by a million different reporters and fans. Hell, I want to be able to walk down the hall past their room without feeling like someone has shoved their hand into my chest and ripped my heart out. I want to be able to feel even just the slightest bit less agonized without needing a bottle of tequila or vodka or whatever the hell happens to be in the fucking cabinet at that moment to feel that little bit better. I want to wake up and not feel guilty that I managed to make it through another night knowing that they are never waking up again.” Michael's words slurred slightly as sobs crept from his chest and shook his pale figure violently.

“Do you think I don’t feel the exact same way?” Calum snapped, offended that his friend seemed to have forgotten that he was not the only one suffering from an earth shattering loss. “I wake up every morning fucking pissed as hell that I woke up, that I’m still breathing for Christ’s sake! I can’t trust myself enough to even sleep alone Michael; I come crawling in here every fucking night because I can’t stand the idea of being the reason you lose yet another person, okay? I can’t even think of how easy it would be because if I do then I can guarantee that you will have to suffer through the ordeal of finding your last fucking friend dead. Yet at the same time I want nothing more than to just stop breathing or to get hit by a bus or to die of some horrible illness. I wish for death like the terminally ill wish for a cure okay?” Calum's words were bitter and filled with emotion, sadness, fear, despair maybe even a little hope.

They didn’t say anything else that night, instead they held each other tightly and cried themselves to sleep. Weeks went by before Michael again breached the subject, his faded green hair limp and dull just like his hazy eyes. It seemed an inevitable truth, that both boys were fading, their voices quiet and dejected and an obvious slump to their tired shoulders.

“I miss them, so fucking much,” He had murmured, running a pale hand through his stringing, now pastel instead of vibrant neon, green hair. A soft sigh accented Michael's statement as he stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t remember when it became a thing but lately even speaking Luke and Ashton’s names had become taboo, like even the sound of it would break his and Callums resolve and send them toppling into oblivion.

“I know, I miss them too Mikey.” Calum had said softly staring up at the white paint that cover Michaels ceiling, a sad sigh of his own filling the quiet air of the dusty room. His voice was still rough from the tears he had cried earlier in the day, his throat still thick and tight.

“We could do it together, ya know. We could go hand in hand right into death, it’s kinda romantic if you think about it enough,” Michael said sadly, turning on his side to look at Calum, “Like ‘till death do us part. Like we’d never really have to part because we’d being going together.” Taking in Calums blank expression the paler boy was quick to dismiss his own suggestion saying quietly, “Nevermind, it was a stupid idea.”

“It’s not stupid,” Calum mused, his chocolate eyes glimmering for the first time in weeks. His eye almost seemed to gleam with a flame of hope that Michael thought had been long extinguished. “We wouldn’t have to feel guilty about leaving one of us behind, all alone. We could all be together again. It sounds amazing actually,” The tanned boy rasped almost guiltily. They would be leaving behind so much, but at least they would have each other, right?

 

That was the night they decided that inevitably they would leave the world together, they had decided on a time and place and it all seemed so surreal, like they were living in some sort of dream state. But eventually the days started ticking down until, just like that, they had reached the night before what would be their last day. It didn’t seem all that different from any other night just that there were two full bottles of pills sitting next to two shining blades on the bedside table, so that when morning finally rolled around they could do what they had been planning for so long.

 

“Calum?” Michael whispered softly, his voice shaking a little. His gut churned nervously as the kiwi boy met his green eyes with those perfectly chocolate ones.

“Yeah Mikey?” Calum replied quietly, waiting for Michael to continue.

“There’s one thing I need to do before I die, but I don’t know if I should.” Michael said nervously, his stomach churning with a thousand butterflies.

“What’s that?” Calum asked, his voice gentle and soothing as it floated past Michael's ears.

“To uh k-kiss you,” Michael stuttered sheepishly, avoiding Calums gaze. He half expected Cal to laugh or hit him or something, what he didn’t anticipate was Calums breathy ‘okay’ and the feeling of the tanned boys lips on his own.  A groan slipped past Michaels puffy lips as Calum moved to hover over him, hands tangled in his overgrown green hair. Michael's hands found purchase, one in the hair at the nape of Calums deliciously tan neck and the other on his hip. Their lips moulded together in a desperate way, more teeth and tongue than lips but it was still far better than Michael could have ever dreamed. A soft moan escaped him as Calum moved his lips to his jaw and then down his pale neck, kissing and nipping at the sensitive flesh. Just when Michael thought that it couldn’t get any better, Calum thrusted his hips down gently against his own, and God dammit if that wasn’t the best thing Michael had felt in his life. Calum had him in the palm, a whining, moaning mess unraveling more with each second that ticked by.

“Michael,” Calum groaned rutting his hips against those of the paler boy.

“Y-yeah Cal,” Michael half moaned, teeth sinking into his bottom lip as he tried to find enough coherence to have a proper conversation.

“There something that I want to do to before, well ya know…” Calum trailed off, staring into Michaels shiny green eyes. Michael nodded signaling for Calum to continue. “It’s just, don’t like laugh or anything okay?” The tan boy stammered a blush creeping onto his cheeks. Again Michael simply nodded in response, eyes focused on Calums lush lips. “Can uh can we like, oh God this is so awkward. Can we uh make love?” Cal rushed his skin becoming rosy red with embarrassment.

Michael chuckled low in his throat, the sound coming out gravelly and hoarse as he quietly murmured, “Of course, Cal. If I had known this is what a kiss could lead to I would have asked a whole hell of a lot sooner.” A small smiled played on his pouty lips and dammit all if Calum didn’t smile back like he was a blind man finally seeing the sun. It was the first time either boy had smiled since losing Luke and Ashton, it felt so bizarre that this little sliver of happiness had waited until their darkest night to come shining through the pain. It was like finding a little piece of heaven the night before they were set to experience the real thing.

Just like that Calums lips were back on Michaels, far more gentle and passionate than before, all urgency gone as both boys took the time to relish in the momentary relief from their pain, enjoy that one last moment of happiness. Their mouths slotted together hungrily, savoring the feeling of tongues and teeth brushing together in such a sinful way. Michael groaned as Cal slipped a hand under his shirt, slowly inching the material up his pale torso before gently tugging it over his head and tossing it somewhere on the floor. Michael was quick to reciprocate Calums actions, sliding the younger boys singlet over his head and dropping it on the hardwood before pulling the bassist down into another lustful kiss. Their hips bumped together in a delightful way causing both boys to groan, hips bucking in search of friction. A needy whine had escaped Michael when Calums long fingers had undone his jeans, slipping them down his milky white legs. Calum elicited a sharp gasp from the boy below him as he palmed Michael through the thin cotton of his boxers.

“Cal,” Michael had whined, his voice a high keen as he arched into Calums touch, “Please, Cal… Need more.” The older boy had hissed. Calum obeyed and slipped Michaels boxers down his legs before freeing himself from the restraints of his own jeans.

“Shhh… Mikey I’ve got ya,” Calum murmured, kissing his way down the older boys pale chest and stomach before trailing small pecks down his thighs, smirking at the whine Michael let out when he purposefully avoided his aching dick. After kissing his way back up Mikeys pale, creamy thighs, Calum pressed a soft kiss to his dick before mouthing at the head, his tongue darting out to swirl around the tip as he looked up at Michael through his thick lashes. Michael gasped and groaned and moaned like Calums mouth on his dick was the best thing he had ever felt, and honestly Calum wasn’t about to complain because every little sound Michael let out was going straight to his dick.

“Mikey do you have any lube?” Calum rasped his lips brushing against the head of Michaels sensitive cock.

“In- uh it’s in the drawer,” Michael panted nodding toward his bedside table. His breath was coming in short gasps as Calum reached across him to retrieve the lube, because Michael knew what that meant and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous. “ J-just Cal, please be gentle… it’s been a while…” He said softly, his cheeks rosy with embarrassment.

“Of course, Mikey,” Calum said softly before pressing his lips to Michael in a soft, loving kiss. “I promise I’ll go slow.” The younger boy whispered, trailing soft kisses down the older boys pale torso. He lapped lazily at Michaels dick as he uncapped the lube, coating his fingers thoroughly before slowly circling Michaels puckered hole with a single digit. “Relax love,” he breathed before slowly pressing his finger in to the first knuckle, stopping for a moment to let Michael adjust before pushing in all of the way.

“Okay,” Michael said softly signaling to Calum that it was okay for him to move. Slowly, Calum slid his finger almost completely out of Michael before pressing back in, earning a small whine from the older boy. “More,” Michael groaned after several minutes, his breath hitching as Calum pressed in a second finger along with the first, curling them slightly in search of his prostate.

“You’re so fucking beautiful Mikey,” Calum breathed, his lips ghosting over Michaels pale flesh, soft kisses accenting his words. It was then that he curled his finger just that little bit further, and Michael cried out like someone had just sucker punched him in the gut.

“Fuck, Cal, right there…. Need more, please Cal…” Michael moaned his hips stuttering to meet Calums fingers, his breathing rapid and eyes glassy with his impending climax.

“Are you ready or do you need a third?” Calum mumbled against the skin of Michael's inner thigh, his lips drawing a dark mark to the surface as he suckled the pale flesh.

“‘M ready, Cal, fuck..” Michael groaned, struggling to keep his orgasm at bay. He whined at the feeling of emptiness when Calum withdrew his fingers. He watched as Calum slicked his dick with a copious amount of lube.

“I love you Michael,” Calum breathed against the older boys lips, leaning down to capture them in a gentle kiss as he slowly breached Michaels tight rim.

“Fuck, ouch, ok oww..” Michael hissed tears gathering in his eyes. Calum stilled instantly letting Michael adjust to the intrusion, brushing away the tears that leaked from his lovers eyes. “Okay, I’m good…” Michael breathed, and Calum continued slowly inching his way in until he was fully seated inside of Michael.

“God, you feel so good,” Calum groaned into the column of Michaels ivory throat, feeling absolute bliss as Michael tentatively rotated his hips up in search of some sort of movement. Calum pulled his hips back slightly before allowing himself a shallow thrust, earning an almost girlish moan from Michael. So he does it again and again until finally Michael lets out a mantra of ‘fuck’ and ‘oh shit’ and Calum smiles proudly to himself. “Found it,” He chuckled, his hips never missing a beat as he continues to thrust into Michaels prostate.

It was slow and romantic, but Michael just need something more and he doesn’t hesitate to vocalize this to Calum, “Fuck, Cal… Need more.. harder… faster.. please,” he whines, his hips rocking back to meet Calums. And just like that Calums hips sped to a dizzying pace, the sound of skin slapping against skin mixing with bitten off moans and guttural groans. Calum leaned down capturing Michaels moans in his mouth as his tongue danced across the older boys lips and teeth, he smirked when a well placed nip to Michael bottom lip earned him a high pitched needy moan. Calum could feel Michael begin to tense and knew the older boy was close so he doubled his efforts, kissing any piece of Michael that he could reach.  
“C-Cal,” Michael whined, “‘M close, so fucking close.” He could feel Calums hot breath against the shell of his ear and let out a fuck-out groan when he whispered, “Come for me Mikey,” in his ear. So he did, he came in harsh white stripes across both of their stomachs as he let his orgasm consume his very being. He was pulled into a white hot oblivion as he came undone under Calums touch, feeling the younger boys come fill his as he rode out his own climax.

After both boys had come down from their highs and cleaned up they cuddled up on Michaels bed like every other night. Their bodies were intertwined and their faces were accented with content grins.

“I love you, Cal” Michael sighed, his swollen lips brushing against Calum's.

“I love ya too Mikey,” Calum mumbled, a yawn sneaking past his lips.

 

Calum and Michael awoke the next morning ready to face their final day on Earth hand in hand. They dressed as they would normally, even called their families just to say that they loved them one last time. They both ended up crying by the time they were sat on the bed, each holding a handful of pills. Each tablet that they swallowed was followed with a kiss and each boy mumbling ‘I love you’ against the other's lips until they ran out of pills to swallow and the room started to spin. They each picked up their blade, hands shaking and fingers fumbling to hold onto the small piece of metal. Calum took Michaels left hand in his, sobbing as he pressed the blade down hard before slicing across Michael past wrist. Michael was in hysterics as he did the same for Calum, taking his arm before slicing deep into the tan flesh of his wrist.

“I love you so fucking much, Calum,” Michael sobbed, holding the younger boy in his bleeding arms.

“I love you too Mikey, more than you’ll ever know,” Calum whispered, his chocolate eyes hazy and unfocused.

 

Soon both boys fell into darkness, plummeting into oblivion hand in hand just as they had promised each other. A bright white light blinded them, and Ashton's musical laughter filled their ears along with Luke's throaty chuckle. They spun around, hands locked together as they searched for their friends.

“Ow Luke. What the fuck?” They could hear Ashton groan.

“I told you to be quiet dipshit,” Luke chuckled, and Calum tugged Michael along with him as he followed the sound.

“Found ya,” The kiwi boy breathed and in an instant he could feel Luke and Ashton tackle him and Michael in a tight group hug.

“We missed you so fucking much,” Calum and Michael sobbed in unison, holding their friends tightly. They finally felt whole again, like they could actually breathe without drowning in sorrow.

“What are you two doing here?” Ashton questioned a hint of sadness, disappointment almost in his hazel eyes.

“Sometimes it is easier to fall into oblivion than struggle to keep your head above water,” Michael murmured, eyes locked on Calum, “ And oblivion isn’t quite so scary when you have the love of your life by your side when you fall into it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope y'all liked it! Sorry if you are crying right now :/ Also sorry for the crappy ending... It was the best place to end it... IK I was in tears by the time I finished writing :'( Anywhoooo feel free to inbox me requests and prompts :P


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